bunjee jumper to sea diver

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 08:09:00 +0000

I thought that was it
Few good words
Some corageous deeds
Unexpected yet immensely desired
Unconventional I might say
Unacceptable you will say
I liked it
You despised it
Nothing remained the next day
I wanted to start afresh
A fullstop that calls for an end
And life will continue as it did
No more hopes
No day dreaming
They are infectious, I always knew
Hopes to dreams to expectations to sadness
That was the trajectory I wanted to avoid
I could not go back to the same old route
And suffer as usual
I said to myself, 'it was nothing'
Nothing became something
Something wanted reason to exist
I had no reason
When was I rational anyways?
Nonexistent hopes
Nonexistent emotions
That is where I exist
The something that came from nothing
Always questions my existence.

hollow box

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 04:21:00 +0000

I'm a box now
a card board box
not a happy one
like we had in our living room
that everyone wanted to get in
more like a sad one
its hollow for sure
depth I cant see
get into it
you wont hit the ground
falling into the abyss
you cant come out either
you keep on falling
like I'm falling into myself
future I don't see
present is non-existent
I keep falling
deeper every passing day
drifting away from the reals
into what I call 'unreal'
but we all believe in unreals
don't we?

(mis)understanding

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 05:59:00 +0000

I liked you
When we first met
I liked you even more
When we talked
You were nice
I thought you were ‘my type’
Shy at times
With the philosophical heights
We were friends quick
I thought it will stay the same
Alas, you changed
For your own good
There I missed it
And then was the gap
I couldn’t fill
Path has blurred
Things uncertain
I still don’t know
Where it is going to head

Them State Buses

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:23:00 +0000

Jumping high on every turning
It feels like an exotic horse riding.
The bumps along the road
Couldn’t have been experienced better
Than by your ride on state buses.
Conductor of the bus seems like a nice fella
With a name tag on a brown unifarm.
Oblivious to whoever stands around
He sits in the front seat.
Don’t expect him to return your smile
Even though he looks like someone with good heart.
He comes to you striking on the metal handle
Gives you your punched ticket
After you pay him for it.
People around you are nice and naive
They will treat you with continuous gaze.
Return them their smile
They will be more than pleased.
Even if you don’t
They will still be amazed.
One of the best experiences of my stay in India
Has been traveling in the state bus
That flies on the road
More like a jet plane.

Fading

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 05:24:00 +0000

Me
Dreams
Desires
Passions
Selfish
You
Expectations
Responsibilities
Us
Feelings
Love
Hatred
Mine
Yours
Ours?
Not.
Broken
Shattered
Existence
Superficial
Breathing
Compulsion
Smiles
Illusion
Sadness
Pervasive
Everything
Lost
Gone
Forever
Ashes
Earth
The end.

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 23:48:00 +0000

One word
Two words
Let’s make a song
You sing it
I’ll dance
You play it
I’ll laugh
Let’s meet
Let’s party
We shall drink
To the pains
Of separation
To the joy
Of being together
Let’s laugh
One more time
Before we part our ways
Let’s celebrate
This moment
As if we’ll never meet again

Waiting

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 07:28:00 +0000

I was waiting for you
Wishing that you’ll come back to me
Just for a while
That I could say quick hello
And send you back
Where your heart lies
You never came
And I kept on waiting
To say hello
Hello I love you??
You didn’t show up
I tried saying it to someone else instead
I didn’t feel it
Words never came
I couldn’t give them meaning
So I kept on waiting

In love with a stranger

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 02:16:00 +0000

Random people passing by

Passing secret glances

Me trying to return the same

Different faces

Different places

And the momentary gasp

Wishing it might last a little more

Till the next station

Or that the train keeps on moving

The station lost

Never stopping

Wishing he doesn’t disappear in the crowd

Continues sitting next to me

I could lean to him all the time

Cracking jokes that’ll make him laugh

I would keep on examining his features

That attracted me to him

Thinking if I like them all the same

That he notices me as well

That we were lovers

Like the couple sitting right in front

Embracing each other

So deep in love

Only if the next station hadn’t arrived

We could have been the real lovers

Travelling the endless journey together

In the train of our lives.

Udnu cha malai (i want to fly)

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 06:30:00 +0000

this is a nepali poem and i dont want to translate it to english as its essence will be lost if i do so.

Ma tyai dhuwa sangai udidinchu

Udauchau k malai?

Ma timilai herda herdai maridinchu

Laijanchau ke kaal malai

Tyo haaso bahek aru kehi chahinna malai

Ek najar mai ma masta bhaidinchu

Ma tyai dhuwa sangai udidinchu

Udauchau k malai?

Ma udhchu timibhanda tadha

Timro tyo haaso lai aafusangai saachdai

Timro yaad cahinna malai

Maile taneko pratyek sarko mai timi pasisakyau

Timro saath magdina ma

Mero fokso le nai timilai raakhisakyo

Ghaati polirahecha

Bahira auna dhuwa sangharsha garirayecha

Ma faalna chahanchu sabai kaalo dhuwa

Ani bhitra kebal snigda ko baas kalpanchu

Tara dhuwaa ajai bhitrai cha

Bahira nikalnai sakina maile

Timilai kaalo dhuwa banaune dhoko chaina mero

Tara timi pani ta ajai mutumai adkirahechau tyasaigari.

From an Escapist

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 23:54:00 +0000

Am I an escapist? Why do I complain about every small thing in my life even when I have much more than many others who are left without any options? What is my education and all this experience worth when I find hard to relate myself with the other misfortunate people I have left behind? Will I ever go back? Will I ever be able to repay the regards and gratitude and efforts my people have invested in me to make me able to reach this place? Will I ever be able to face all those scary events and brutal politicians they are facing every day?

I complain every day for having to study for tests and do homework when people in my part are even deprived from education and schools are being burnt every other day. I complain every day for gaining weight when people in my part are not getting enough to eat even when they work many times more than I do, even when they are ready to sell their soul and body. I complain every day for getting too much attention from my parents and friends. People in my part don’t meet their parents, children, siblings for ages and still don’t have any options left to show their grievances. I find myself miserable and think as if the whole world’s going to end even when I get small rejection from one of the colleges I had applied to or from the work I wanted to so badly. I don’t realize I still have many other appealing options left for me. Those people don’t have any options in their life but to surrender to the misery their fate has brought. They sell their body, sell their soul, sell their dignity, sell their labor, sell their femininity, and sell everything that’s sellable. Still they are the ones whose life is miserable, full of sorrow, not having enough to eat, nothing to cover their bare body. This is the life of the people I have left behind. Do I want to go back to them? I have never questioned myself. Should I be pragmatic or just flow with my emotions? I am not sure. My parents still want me to study, work hard with the classes, get a well paid job, marry some good guy, have kids and then live happily. What do I want? Do I want to go back and then get stuck in a place where there is gas shortage every other day, where you don’t get ambulance in time even when you are about to die, where prices are soaring up but the economy is stagnant? Probably not. Well, I don’t want to be an escapist. I don’t want to be accused for whatever I am doing later in my life by my descendents. Then I should go back. Options are ambivalent. This ambivalence gives me hard every time I think about the place I come from, about the place I am in present. What should I do? Where should I be? Which emotions should I follow?

Nothing's changed

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 02:06:00 +0000

He came

He went

I stayed

At the same point

Where everything had started

He broke promises

In no time he’d made them

And I still believed him as ever

With my eyes closed

He left without saying goodbye

I just stared blankly

Eyes must have welled with tears

But they feared to fall

Lips had countless words

But they stumbled to make confessions

I was burning with agony inside

But I appeared as calm as ever

And I cried

When I was all by myself

For the time that changed

And I thought

That was the end

End of my life

End of my world

End of my fantasies

He was a shadow

That appeared and disappeared

I wish he would stay for a while longer though

But never told him so

I went back to being a bloody corpse

Who not knew how to live

With every air that gushed in

World seemed to be halting

This is how I forgot how to live

And kept on pretending so

I stared at the mirror one day

And realized I was still the same

I could smile

If only I twisted my lips

What if he is gone

There are always several around

I can laugh

Get high as I used to

Live life the way I want to

One person can’t ruin my world

Life cannot change

I won’t let it do.

Hopelessness

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 16:55:00 +0000

I no longer wonder

How high the sky is

Where the river ends

How deep that sea seems

How bright the sun can be

Why cuckoo sings so pretty

Why the wind whistles gently

I fear to take a new road

Fear what if it never ends

I take life as it comes

Don’t dare to dream for something new

It is the surprises the life brings

That frightens me the most

What if they bring lingering pain

That can never be healed

I no longer wait for someone to take my breath away

For the soul mate made in heaven

I have stopped imagining

White horse

Tall guy

Riding his horse

Coming towards me

While I’m sleeping

To take me with him

To be together forever

I despise everything

I now know nothing I thought can be true

I mocked the world

When they said I would lose my power to imagine

I thought the world is a liar

And that I would always dream

Create my own world

Live in my fantasies

Every hopes as I've lost

So I realized

I don’t have wings

I can never fly

If I ever try

I will always die.

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 16:14:00 +0000

I am having hard time understanding life. Life has never been as simple to me as I had expected it to be. It’s always been full of surprises and unexpected events. Full of wishes and hopes, shattering realities and then radiating smiles and welled up eyes. There are people you love and long to be with while there are others you hate with all your guts. You wish to be with your love all your life and hope not to see your enemy ever. Your love turns into your enemy in no time and you hate yourself for loving that person ever in your life. Your best friend falls for your boyfriend, your boyfriend sleeps with someone else, and the guy you had a crush on for so long is actually having affair with someone else. You wish that you had never known them. But you can’t help. Then you wish that everything was only a bad dream that would end soon. But things won’t return to good old days. And then you wish to find someone else instead who will be your true love. Someone might come. You might also end up wishing all your life. You go to mall during valentine’s week. You see people buying gifts for their loved. You wish you were one of them. Love is in the air, they say. You try to smell the air, feel the love. No. It is all void. There is nothing for you. They lied to you. The world is a liar, you realize. So you keep on moving never to fall in love again for some stories do not have a happy ending.

Lovers having the day of their life

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 21:53:00 +0000

A candle lit dinner

Lovers sitting close to each other

He stares at her

She smiles back

Relishing the delicacies

He had cooked for her

Cracking silly jokes

Laughing loud

Dancing to the tune of romantic vibes

They spend the night.

The wax melting

Light fading

Two nude bodies entwined in white sheet

A glass of sparkling wine

Drunken lovers

Both inebriated

Laughing and talking incessantly

Sharing lover’s secrets

Crazy lovers

Embracing each other

Kicking and biting

Dreaming their future together

They lie together in the bed.

And then she cries!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 00:04:00 +0000

A mad girl

She tries not to fall in love again

A sad girl

She wishes she could hate everyone the same

She sits and then smiles

Tries to hide the tears

Welled up in her eyes

Sadness that hides

Well behind the smiles

She tries to ignore

Tragedies of life

Searches pleasure

In fake love and compassion

He appears

Disappears

Then reappears

Hide and seek

She hates to play

And she finally decides

To leave the playground instead

He is lost

She stops searching

Even if he is back

Pain is all he’ll have

Then why moaning

For something that is lost

It was never your fault

And will never be

Oh look at those falling leaves

How pretty they are

That little squirrel running

He stole my heart

Oh girl! See

Happiness lies in small things

Search, feel

Learn to smile again

How can I

Says she

I cry for no man

He was never mine

I cry for myself

For the feelings I’ve lost

Pains I feel

Deep in my heart.

The creator

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 01:04:00 +0000

I saw the belly protruding
And I liked it.
I sensed life starting
As if I could feel it.
I was in my mother’s womb
My baby would be in mine.
This amuses me all the time.

I am the creator of life.
My mom created me.
I will create my child
Inside me.

I am the god
The life giver
As my mom is.
The thought excites me
Every time.

Small baby inside me
Kicking my belly
Laughing
Crying at times
Who knows?
She might be yelling
And smiling.

I keep on hallucinating a lot

I know there is time
For me to create life inside me.
But I still treasure the feeling
Of being a mother
The creator.

letting things be

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 16:54:00 +0000

You play your game
I keep watching
A mere spectator
As I am

You take your move
I shake a bit
After all I am aware
Of everything you do

This new game of yours
I've been watching too close
I don't know why
I hate myself for doing so

I hate myself
For knowing you so much
I hate you
For revealing yourself as truly as you could

I've seen you
Inside out
Your every emotions
Have pierced my heart

I couldn't remain
As indifferent as I was before
Tnd that's what
Caused all the pains

I will return
To my state of indifference
You go on playing
I'll keep watching

I'll watch
I'll observe
Getting amused at times
I'll let things go by.

Indifference

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 19:34:00 +0000

Your smile doesn’t make me feel any better
Your jokes aren’t silly to me
I don’t long to hear your voice
I don’t wish to see your smiling face

The vibes don’t connect
Your words fail to pierce my heart
Your gestures are vague
Your promises are fake

I am tired
I am fed up
I need a break
Let’s get this over

Love is but an illusion
Why proceed it then?
Let’s start anew
Walking our separate ways

I don’t need you anymore
Nor your comforting kisses
They don’t make a difference
I lie indifferent to your embraces.

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 14:08:00 +0000

Time’s running fast
I lag far behind
Stop, slow down
Take me with you
Cries I.

He turns back
Gives his sly smile
And, speed up instead
Leaving me awed behind.

I have to pace up
Take bigger leaps
Ignore the trivia
Realizes I.

I try to run
To catch up with time’s pace
I fall
I fail
I lag behind.

Then I give up
Frustration overpowers me
Hopeless I become
Void the future seems.

Live the moment
The heart says
Love the world
Lest before you die.

Why hurry
When life’s not about winning
Conquer yourself
Run slow.

Love
Learn to love
Live
Enjoy your life.

Smile back
When flowers smile at you
Radiate
Like the morning glow.

I tried
I failed
So, I went
Back to depressed me.

To the non-existence

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 16:17:00 +0000

Go on
Reap me off
Tear away every part
Spare none
Blow me
Delete my existence
From the earth
From the air
Remove me whole
To the void
Crush me
Devour me
Do anything you like
Anyway you like
Finish me off
I won’t mind
Do it quick
Will you?
Finish your job
Before I do anything
On my own.

In an alien land

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 14:44:00 +0000

It's been almost two weeks since I got here. New people, new place, everything is so amusing and bewildering. They call dust bin a trash can and toilet, a rest room. They drink cold milk and coffee tastes like shit. People smile from a mile and say, 'hey how u doin?', but never wait for an answer. Nothing feels like home. You go to a wallmart, you can't decide what you really need. These people wash their clothes in a washingmachine and dry them in drier. Sun's hard but of no work. They eat dinner at 5 and keep me starving all night. Classes are good, professors are amazing. But things are different and not that pleasing at times. Complications of human relatioship seem more complicated here. I am missing home and people back home in this alien land. This place is so empty and void. It is so life less. The first time I stepped here, I realised this is not where I belong. I will return to where I belong.

Rain.. O Rain...

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 17:52:00 +0000

This monsoon rain,
Every time it pours,
I start shedding my own pearls.
It reminds me of you.
The romance we could have,
Had we been together.
Both of us.
The drops, caressing my cheeks.
The way your lips touch them.
The red umbrella,
Blown long ago by the wind.
O, how romantic it would have been.

Like the dancing peacocks
We would have jumped
Gently touching each other
Reliving the sensations
Mesmerized we would have danced.
Absolutely dumb.
The half stretched lips speaking the rest.

Your body all wet in rain.
The macho contours all exposed.
Appealing to the woman in me.
To be with you all again.
The cold lips touching mine,
Relinquishing the thirst for your love.

O, rain!
Stop.
Don't you come anymore.
I am fed up.
Enough of you and your romantic hues.
I don't want to hear it.
Sweetheart is long gone.
Leaving behind memories I don't want to remember.
Don't you dare remind me of those again.

O, don't you dare fall again.
Stop.
Please do stop.
If you don't.
I'll cry, I'll yell.
Till you forget to rain again.
And, like my long gone sweetheart,
You'll get lost in the never never land.
Never to return.

The lord is I

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 15:26:00 +0000

I am the lord; the lord is I.
Says I.
He smiles.
You know, that mocking smile.
He says,
I knew it since long
Is it only now that you realize?

Don't act clever.
You f----ing bastard.
I know it's your way of intimidating me.

Now you oughta know,
The supremo is I.
I have the power
To reach the top.
I got the brains
To enslave the world.

No one can reach
As high as I.
You know the Everest?
That's where I lie.

That bastard is teasing me again.
Don't come any closer.
Warns I.
I know your cunning ways
I have been knowing it since long.

I don't need your help,
Nor you insights.
They have been limiting me
All these days.
Let me grow on my own.
And learn the ways of life.

Stop.
Don't interfere in my way.
I am conquering myself.
I'll then conquer the world.

I denounce your path to salvation.
I've got my own ways.
Shhhhhh!!!!
It's a secret.
I won't let you know.
Or else, you'll steal it from me.
And be powerful all over again.
You cunning bastard.

Overwhelmed

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Mon, 28 May 2007 17:03:00 +0000

Words betray me
I can't write
The more I try
The higher I fly
Emotions aplenty
I can't express
Half opened lips
Slightest indication of smile
I'm laughing inside
Wildest laughter I have to hide
Turning and twisting
I stay awake all night
I dream all day and night
Sweetest of them I have ever realized
Every thing is so good
Every moment wonderful
And, believe me, it's only you
The best thing ever happened to me.

Back to life!!

noreply@blogger.com (passionate dreamer) — Sun, 13 May 2007 16:48:00 +0000

Hey, I'm back. And I'm back with good spirit and higher zests. The frustrations that were killing me are long gone. I am back as a happy and contended soul looking for better days ahead. All these months, I was so depressed that I thought of giving up everything I loved doing including blog. My last post had been a proof of it. However, this time I am back and yes, with a good news to share. I have been accepted. Hurrah!! It feels so good even to write this at the moment. Now, there are of course bigger hurdles I need to cross. But the silver linings have begun to show themselves so I can expect better and happier, if not easier, days ahead. All these days, the comments I received in my blogs were encouraging. They acted as moral boosters to my desperate self. The dreams that I had begun to abort are emerging once again. I can now dream of good life, better future and yes a higher intellectual path ahead.
I am enjoying my life once again. I am back to my guitar lessons. (I so much wish that someday I will be able to play a self composed piece.) I hang out with friends a lot and have a hell of good time. I am watching lots of classic movies and also doing some reading. All in all, this is life!!! Yes, the life I had longed for since many months. Before this wonderful feeling fleets, it's always pleasure to share everything with you all.

Keep the good things coming..I just love to read ur comments..