thinking of you

Oh how blissful are these sensations!! Every time I think of you, something strange overpowers me. I had never thought I would ever write about you. Still it's your hallucination that is provoking the effort. I know you'll never read it, and even if you do you will never know that it is for you. Still I want to write for you. I want to share all those wonderful moments I have been cherishing thinking of you since long. Warm embraces, lovely kisses, mesmerizing tunes of your guitar, your childish smile, untidy hair, pricking beards... Every little things about you and our secret relationship, compels me to take a tour in that heavenly world of yours I have created. I don't know, if I'd have same wonderful feelings had you been with me in reality. I doubt, though. I know the sensations one creates in her fantasy are stronger than those in reality. In fact, I'm feeling them now. So, I am happy with you in this incredible realm of imaginations. I can feel you caressing me, touching my lips, holding my hands and making me feel the eternal love. You helped me feel the real woman inside me, the woman starving for your love, for your touch and your glance. I am neither a maniac nor an eccentric. I am a lover, a blind lover perhaps who is yet to know the real person she's writing all this for.

ME

heart broken
smile stolen
body wretched
hopes despaired
these are ME
still standing
under the naked tree
leaves all fallen
dry thorny branches
they prick
they hurt
all feelings equal to one

birds crying woefully
snakes crawling selfishly
jackal running slyly
tigers roaring greedily
lions tearing mercilessly
each dreaming to enjoy ME
all nude
all exposed
and helpless
yet with a hope of survival

not as ascetic as Prophet is me
to let them tear away my flesh
nor as strong as Christ
to face the crucification smiling
I'm not Vishma Pitama
to sleep in the bed of arrows
and let my descendants win the battle of power

I am but a selfish, self centered human
yearning for more
yet always fearful and intimidated of death
dreaming to be in heavenly world of pleasures
yet living forever in land of destitute
i am a puppet
dancing to the directions of the maker
amusing the spectators
and ME lost somewhere in the dance

Samrachana