Them State Buses

Jumping high on every turning
It feels like an exotic horse riding.
The bumps along the road
Couldn’t have been experienced better
Than by your ride on state buses.
Conductor of the bus seems like a nice fella
With a name tag on a brown unifarm.
Oblivious to whoever stands around
He sits in the front seat.
Don’t expect him to return your smile
Even though he looks like someone with good heart.
He comes to you striking on the metal handle
Gives you your punched ticket
After you pay him for it.
People around you are nice and naive
They will treat you with continuous gaze.
Return them their smile
They will be more than pleased.
Even if you don’t
They will still be amazed.
One of the best experiences of my stay in India
Has been traveling in the state bus
That flies on the road
More like a jet plane.

Fading

Me
Dreams
Desires
Passions
Selfish
You
Expectations
Responsibilities
Us
Feelings
Love
Hatred
Mine
Yours
Ours?
Not.
Broken
Shattered
Existence
Superficial
Breathing
Compulsion
Smiles
Illusion
Sadness
Pervasive
Everything
Lost
Gone
Forever
Ashes
Earth
The end.

One word
Two words
Let’s make a song
You sing it
I’ll dance
You play it
I’ll laugh
Let’s meet
Let’s party
We shall drink
To the pains
Of separation
To the joy
Of being together
Let’s laugh
One more time
Before we part our ways
Let’s celebrate
This moment
As if we’ll never meet again

Waiting

I was waiting for you
Wishing that you’ll come back to me
Just for a while
That I could say quick hello
And send you back
Where your heart lies
You never came
And I kept on waiting
To say hello
Hello I love you??
You didn’t show up
I tried saying it to someone else instead
I didn’t feel it
Words never came
I couldn’t give them meaning
So I kept on waiting

In love with a stranger

Random people passing by

Passing secret glances

Me trying to return the same

Different faces

Different places

And the momentary gasp

Wishing it might last a little more

Till the next station

Or that the train keeps on moving

The station lost

Never stopping

Wishing he doesn’t disappear in the crowd

Continues sitting next to me

I could lean to him all the time

Cracking jokes that’ll make him laugh

I would keep on examining his features

That attracted me to him

Thinking if I like them all the same

That he notices me as well

That we were lovers

Like the couple sitting right in front

Embracing each other

So deep in love

Only if the next station hadn’t arrived

We could have been the real lovers

Travelling the endless journey together

In the train of our lives.

Udnu cha malai (i want to fly)

this is a nepali poem and i dont want to translate it to english as its essence will be lost if i do so.

Ma tyai dhuwa sangai udidinchu

Udauchau k malai?

Ma timilai herda herdai maridinchu

Laijanchau ke kaal malai

Tyo haaso bahek aru kehi chahinna malai

Ek najar mai ma masta bhaidinchu

Ma tyai dhuwa sangai udidinchu

Udauchau k malai?

Ma udhchu timibhanda tadha

Timro tyo haaso lai aafusangai saachdai

Timro yaad cahinna malai

Maile taneko pratyek sarko mai timi pasisakyau

Timro saath magdina ma

Mero fokso le nai timilai raakhisakyo

Ghaati polirahecha

Bahira auna dhuwa sangharsha garirayecha

Ma faalna chahanchu sabai kaalo dhuwa

Ani bhitra kebal snigda ko baas kalpanchu

Tara dhuwaa ajai bhitrai cha

Bahira nikalnai sakina maile

Timilai kaalo dhuwa banaune dhoko chaina mero

Tara timi pani ta ajai mutumai adkirahechau tyasaigari.

From an Escapist

Am I an escapist? Why do I complain about every small thing in my life even when I have much more than many others who are left without any options? What is my education and all this experience worth when I find hard to relate myself with the other misfortunate people I have left behind? Will I ever go back? Will I ever be able to repay the regards and gratitude and efforts my people have invested in me to make me able to reach this place? Will I ever be able to face all those scary events and brutal politicians they are facing every day?

I complain every day for having to study for tests and do homework when people in my part are even deprived from education and schools are being burnt every other day. I complain every day for gaining weight when people in my part are not getting enough to eat even when they work many times more than I do, even when they are ready to sell their soul and body. I complain every day for getting too much attention from my parents and friends. People in my part don’t meet their parents, children, siblings for ages and still don’t have any options left to show their grievances. I find myself miserable and think as if the whole world’s going to end even when I get small rejection from one of the colleges I had applied to or from the work I wanted to so badly. I don’t realize I still have many other appealing options left for me. Those people don’t have any options in their life but to surrender to the misery their fate has brought. They sell their body, sell their soul, sell their dignity, sell their labor, sell their femininity, and sell everything that’s sellable. Still they are the ones whose life is miserable, full of sorrow, not having enough to eat, nothing to cover their bare body. This is the life of the people I have left behind. Do I want to go back to them? I have never questioned myself. Should I be pragmatic or just flow with my emotions? I am not sure. My parents still want me to study, work hard with the classes, get a well paid job, marry some good guy, have kids and then live happily. What do I want? Do I want to go back and then get stuck in a place where there is gas shortage every other day, where you don’t get ambulance in time even when you are about to die, where prices are soaring up but the economy is stagnant? Probably not. Well, I don’t want to be an escapist. I don’t want to be accused for whatever I am doing later in my life by my descendents. Then I should go back. Options are ambivalent. This ambivalence gives me hard every time I think about the place I come from, about the place I am in present. What should I do? Where should I be? Which emotions should I follow?